Keep Grinding

The Lolcow Pen

Types of Cows

• An Artcow creates laughably terrible pictures.
• A Careercow keeps a job it is awful at.
• A Dramacow causes controversy.
• A Schizocow is just plain crazy!
• A Horrorcow is undebatably evil.

The Cows Themselves

Dig Deeper/Diggy

• Type: Schizocow
• Milkable Parts: poor reading comprehension, contradictory statements
• Frequents: the web in general
• See it in action

Froge

• Type: Horrorcow
• Milkable Parts: lack of research, missing the points of the shows it watches, blatant attraction to minors
• Frequents: Neocities
• See it in action
• Possible socks?

Joshua Connor Moon / Null

• Type: Careercow
• Milkable Parts: attacking its site's members for petty reasons, failing to answer simple questions, lack of research, database mismanagement, FAT
• Frequents: Kiwi Farms and Telegram
• Notable enabler: Turkey Tom
• See it in action

LS Mark / Midnight Mark / Splash Dash

• Type: Dramacow
• Milkable Parts: lack of research, slandering Mr. Enter, defaming and stalking Butch Hartman, failing to answer simple questions, trying to marry a cheater, refusing to do housework, missing the points of the shows it watches and the games it plays, frivolous spending, FAT
• Frequents: YouTube, Twitch, and Twitter
• Notable enablers: Johnny 2 Cellos, LioConvoy, OneyNG, Sr Pelo, Steve Reviews, Veridis Joe, What the Chieck
• See it in action

Lady Decade

• Type: Careercow
• Milkable Parts: clickbait titles and thumbnails, frivolous spending
• Frequents: YouTube
• Notable enablers: SIMPS
• See it in action

Luke Smith

• Type: Schizocow
• Milkable Parts: poor reading comprehension, failing to answer simple questions, petty racism, clickbait titles and thumbnails
• Frequents: YouTube
• See it in action

MarioMario456

• Type: Schizocow
• Milkable Parts: sending unjustified personal attacks to wiki editors, administrating a drama-centric wiki without knowing about recent drama
• Frequents: Encyclopedia Dramatica
• See it in action

SmallAnt / Smant

• Type: Horrorcow
• Milkable Parts: making children's games near-impossible instead of buying mature-rated games, then whining when people troll it; missing the points of the games it does play
• Frequents: YouTube and Discord
• Notable enablers: cjya, Fir, Linkus7, Magic The Noah, pChal, PointCrow
• See it in action: Watch through Invidious to avoid giving ad revenue

Trad Cath From LA/Chink Destroyers from LA

• Type: Schizocow
• Milkable Parts: frequent ad hominem attacks, projecting its flaws onto other posters, not using Xenforo's sticker/rating feature when it has almost nothing to add
• Frequents: Onion Farms
• See it in action

Eris Ray / UltimateDSfan / UltimateDSEris / ultimate_eris / UltimateHellscape

• Type: Horrorcow
• Milkable Parts: emotionally abusive crybullying, racism towards itself, failing to answer simple questions, medicore hygiene, missing the points of the games it plays, frivolous spending, contradictory statements
• Frequents: YouTube and Twitter
• Notable enablers: DAclassicgamer/DAepikartman, Nintendude, ThatOneCalledRPG
• See it in action

Why you should not dogpile cows

More views could encourage them to stagnate

Some cows' works are monetized, so many views could be translated to barrels of money that they will most likely waste.

Professionals will wrangle them

Many workplaces and post-secondary schools blacklist candidates for poor behavior. If a cow violates a law, authorities can neutralize it.

Most cows will never learn their lessons, no matter what they read or hear

Closed-mindedness is a common flaw among cows. Before you attempt to persuade one, ask the following questions:

• Is the cow willing to improve, though not able? If so, it is not as capable as you thought.
• Is the cow able to improve, though not willing? If so, it is not as well-intentioned as you thought.
• Is the cow willing and able to improve? If so, why is it still funny?
• Is the cow neither willing nor able to improve? If so, why does it deserve your attention?