quit

a short piece published on march first twenty twenty five

i dont know why im here tonight

i guess it was just nature

to come here when im sad

which i dont really understand


see, i do not understand why this place

must hold all the substance to my life

and why my brain thinks this

is the right place to share it.


the title of this post is quit

because i am going to try to quit nicotine

and yeah, its been still a thing

its extremely hard to overcome.


so instead of anxiously pacing

for no reason at all,

i can furiously type away

in vim


i dont know what to do

because its just kind of all gone.

even the friends of just a few months ago

have turned fake and distant.


i want to quit a lot of other things

to be honest

things i like which also cause me pain

but they even appear healthy at the surface like code


i try to do my best

and i think i did a good job

i guess

but at the end of the day i am defeated


they did win.

i had no childhood

just like they told me

would happen.


i cant continue.

so i leave you with this...

im sorry for being confusing

i quite like it though

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